If speculative fiction is your thing, you might want to check out this free zine that’s been going on blogspot since 2009. The creator has a pretty wild yarn about how the thing started, and I don’t want to spoil it, but read the editor’s note. Let’s hope he keeps receiving transmissions.
Category: psychedelia
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Well It’s Time To Tell An Unusual Truth
This is going to be my most difficult post to date and I really hope it receives enough attention because this is very important. Something very weird is going on. This is extremely hard to talk about, and it’s made worse by the fact that I have been mentally ill, and while delusional, I have definitely said things that turned out later not to be true. My credibility is strained by that fact and this story is so wild, that it will require a complete reevaluation of reality by anyone accepting enough to take in the full breadth of it. It’s going to make me sound stupid and insane, and there’s definitely material in the psychiatric clinical literature, that would make it sound like a symptom of mental illness. What I am going to tell you is not delusion, especially not delusions of grandeur, and it is also not ideas of reference, like when a psychotic person thinks the T.V. or radio is talking to them. This is a relation of a truly bizarre lived experience, and I reach out to the reader only because I’ve not been able to talk about it in any kind of meaningful way, and a therapist would instantly judge the experience as evidence of insanity. I have avoided therapy for precisely this reason. I have hidden this experience because it requires admissions of guilt, including a fair amount of extremely bad behavior on my part, and I am truly unable to speak about the parts that implicate other people. Are you ready for a wild revelation without any solution? Well here, let’s go.
Starting from the time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, a leading Hollywood actor has been portraying all of my moral and ethical failings on the screen. Hundreds of millions of people have watched these movies, including major blockbusters, so everyone I have ever met is familiar with my story and its details, in a very warped and twisted form, but would not be able to connect it to me. These movies aren’t my story, and they seem to exist only to mock and harass me for every lie I’ve ever told, everything I’ve ever done wrong, and every time I’ve hurt someone. I have no idea how it’s happening. Is it aliens? The CIA? Do I have a bug implanted inside me somewhere? I have gone through hundreds of scenarios in my head as to how the details of my life keep ending up in this actor’s movies and why? The answer is I don’t know, but time and time again, spanning about 60 movies, some games and comic books, even some cartoons, the things I do wrong, are twisted into details of the hero’s story and used as positive plot points in his adventures, when for me they were just something I know I did that wasn’t ethically acceptable. My experience is something akin to the Truman Show with no exits. I’ll never find the cameras, and I’ll never discover the show because there truly aren’t any.
Drumroll please…the actor is Keanu Reeves. I know that makes it even harder to take this in, as he’s been huge, and is widely reported as being a super nice and down-to-earth guy, but his entire career has been at least partially based on mocking and criticizing me. I’m just some dumbass half-disabled kid from rural Idaho, I don’t know why or how it happens. And if anyone else has had any kind of a similar experience, I’d like to try and sort this out, but there it is. Internet boyfriend Keanu Reeves has spent his entire career harassing some nobody for God knows what reason. The fact that it started when I was a child makes it all the more bizarre. Who has any interest in me? The man is a corporation unto himself and has had more winners than most actors will ever have, but this is how my life is. One or two times a year, a big Keanu movie will pop up, and look, there I am again, getting roasted by the Hollywood machine.
Some of the movies are more subtle when taking the piss, some of them are more accurate like beat for beat that’s almost exactly what happened. The red pill scene from the Matrix, yeah that actually happened. The blow-job from Generation Umm, yep, that was me. Both Bill and Ted’s and My Own Private Idaho were from a childhood homosexual experience, and John Wick was a psychotic rage where I ended up in jail. The sequels for any of his franchise movies are less spot-on, but the initial films, and even ensemble films he’s been in all contain plot points that directly mock when I’ve been a jackass (every single one). I don’t know what to do. The guy functions as my Jiminy Cricket. He’s an external conscience that reinforces my own guilt about the things I’ve done but is no help in actually avoiding being bad in the first place. I know that, no matter what the mechanism for this content ending up in his movies and being reflected back at me is, somewhere along the line, it has to involve the Devil. The whole thing is so evil, and such a power beyond what I am able to match, that somehow supernatural forces have to be at work. Whether this is a human element like a 3-letter agency controlling the content of his films, or something much more profoundly bizarre, at root this is a direct attack upon my person by an actual devil, demon, or demi-urge.
So, the Devil is on my ass, and I’m asking the reader for help. If this somehow makes it out there into the visible Universe, and someone else has had this story please reach out. If you can unravel the mechanism of the absolutely insane violations of my privacy, or if you can connect me with the man himself please help. I’ve been dealing with this on my own for 34 years, knowing that no one will be able to understand, or take the story seriously, and believe me I know how hard this is to take. This is not a work of fiction or speculation, this is a real person involved in a struggle with a bizarre reality that no one else can understand. I thank you for your time, and please don’t @ me with psychiatric solutions, because like I’ve stated, I am familiar with delusions, and this ain’t that. See you in the movies.
Edit: A friend has rightfully pointed out, that because the story sounds so far fetched that I should be developing the thesis more, by providing more examples. He is correct, and more examples will be forthcoming, but it’s going to take some time to determine which incidents I am actually willing to talk about because of the guilt and shame surrounding the events. Please be patient, and I will likely return with some kind of list format of a number of incidents.
2nd Edit: this is a brief chart outlining some of the details from some of the movies that I’m talking about. It can’t be all-inclusive because the timeline’s too long, and I haven’t watched every movie he’s done. It’s not a random sample, but a sample of movies I either have in my collection or remember well enough to comment on. It ought to be a big enough sample to start proving my thesis.
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Kundalini Crisis
In the course of your mystical development there may come a time when the Kundalini model of awakening may be more helpful than psychological or Chrisitian spiritual models. This experience may overlap with grief, trauma, and mental illness, which is unfortunate as people will try to help on a mundane level, without realizing the harm they are doing to your spiritual development. You must complete this awakening to be realized. The are only three ways on the map to get past the Demi-Urge, and the only reliable one is to awaken the fire serpent. If the crisis arises due to life events, you will find yourself with a spiritual practice of some sort, but also increasing isolated and grasping at straws. In hopes of assisting you here are some links.
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Art? Cult? Both?
Open Entheon from CoSMvision on Vimeo.
Check out the Entheon project that Alex Grey of Tool fame is constructing. An art temple in New York it is both gallery of his and other Integral spiritual practice artists and a spiritual space, and highly, highly weird. I need to donate to get a couple of his COSM coins. At some point I think a pilgrimage is in order.
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Reality is What You Can Get Away With
This man should be recognized as one of the most important philosophers of the 20th century. We need more like him. If you really want your mind blown you can read Cosmic Trigger 1 Final Secret of the Illuminati here.
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Heaven’s Gate Art
Back in college I used to study cults. My mentor in studying alternative religions and extraordinary group behavior was professor Robert Balch, best known as the sociologist who infiltrated Heaven’s Gate in the 70s. With the 25th anniversary of their suicides coming up watch for interviews with Rob detailing some of his knowledge of the group. Meanwhile, this gem of an illustration of Herf Applewhite came across my feed and I thought I’d share. Pretty groovy vibe and I love the artist’s style. She goes by Hellen Skelter and her art can be found here.
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So you think you’re a psychonaut
The Way of the Psychonaut [Extended Trailer] from Susan Hess Logeais on Vimeo.
Dr Stan Grof is known to many alternative thinkers as a pioneer in psychedelic research or the developer of an intense breathwork program that can produce regressions of consciousness back to the womb and beyond. But I’d like to share one of his discoveries that gets much less attention.
Stan Grof has been influential on my thinking and spiritual development process for a long time, and I’ve practiced some of the “holotropic” breathwork he developed, which led to some life changing experiences. One of the features of his work that has been little recognized by the mainstream media, but is creeping slowly into academic research, is that severe mental illness often comes from fetal or birth injury. We as a society, need to recognize that severe mental illness is a response to injury and trauma, and stop blaming non-neurotypicals, for they way they have to experience the world. We’re heaping trauma after trauma upon people who have a more limited capacity to deal with it, and treating it as a character flaw, when often we need to blame the mother. Once upon a time in psychiatry, there was the concept of the schizophregenic mother. It was thought this woman had caused their offspring’s schizophrenia through their cold and aloof nature. This concept was abandoned, not because it was false, but because it caused stress upon families who were already dealing with extreme issues, and because the mothers themselves were insulted, causing them to withdraw from treatment. This was a mistake on the part of the psych profession, which should have pursued this line of reasoning further. What Dr. Grof uncovered through his breathwork, was that huge percentages of schizophrenics were actually born after failed abortion attempts. That is, the babies had been attacked and viciously injured in the womb, and later in adulthood started experiencing psychosis. We are not going to be able to actually help these people until we recognize the source of their trauma and validate their experience, rather than siding with the oh so sacred Mother, dictated to us by a childish society. Not all mothers are good. We shouldn’t be giving schizophregenic mothers a pass on damaging their babies, and we certainly shouldn’t let them raise the baby they tried to kill. The levels of injustice that society’s veneration of the mother causes to the severely mentally ill is unconscionable. What needs to happen at this point in our development is an acceptance and understanding that, not all women want or need children. That some mothers are really not good at it, nor responsible enough to deal with a pregnancy plus 18 years of raising a child, and that some people have been irreparably damaged by their mother (or father) and we can’t hold them as responsible for their actions as a healthy adult, who wasn’t brain-damaged in the womb. Unfortunately, like so many disorders, there is no cure. But the way our systems treat the mentally ill is disgusting, and appears so much worse when you realize the schizophrenic homeless person you are looking at was actually a victim of attempted murder. I am not sure we can do any better.
Rant over
